Worked example · History · Year 7
DCF: Interacting and collaborating → Communication
A secure Year 7 response, annotated to show which success criterion each part meets. It is also your answer key. Show the model email after pupils have written their own. The key ideas: send from a school account to enquiries@archifdybrodyfi.cymru, copy in price.i@ysgolcefndyfi.cymru, write a subject line that says who you are and what you want, share no home address, phone number or age, attach nothing, and ask 3 specific questions that the archive says it can answer. The latest reply date is Monday 22 March. Accept any sensible wording; the questions do not have to match the model, but they must ask for things the archive can do or holds.
| Part of the email | Email A (Dylan) | Email B (Seren) |
|---|---|---|
| Account it was sent from | His personal account, not his school account. The username “dyl_da_legend_2014” is unprofessional and probably gives away the year he was born. | OK: her school account, as Mr Price and the archive asked. |
| To and Cc | Wrong address: press@ is for journalists only. Mr Price is not copied in, although both the brief and the archive ask for this. | To is right (enquiries@). Cc is wrong: all 29 classmates are copied in and Mr Price is not. |
| Subject line | No subject at all, so it looks like spam and may never be opened. | “Question” tells the archive nothing about who she is or what she wants. |
| Greeting and sign-off | “hey!!” and “thx dyl” are far too casual for an adult professional, and give no full name. | “Dear Sir or Madam” with “Yours faithfully” is correct and formal. But she signs only “Seren”, with no surname, year or school. |
| Tone and spelling | Text-speak (“u”, “pls”, “2”, “tmrw”, “lol”), shouting in capitals, no capital letters, and misspellings: “skool”, “parliment”, “owen glendower” for Owain Glyndŵr. Sounds rude and demanding. | Polite and spelt correctly, but chatty filler (“having a nice week”, “some old stuff”, the story about her grandad). |
| Is it clear? Is the length right? | Short, but it asks for “ALL the info” with no actual question. Wants it “by tmrw”, but the archive takes up to 10 working days. | About 160 words, so the length is fine, but it is one big paragraph that never mentions Owain Glyndŵr, Machynlleth or 1404 and asks no clear question. “By the end of the week” is unrealistic. |
| Attachments | OK: none. | A 24 MB file: the archive cannot open files over 10 MB and asks for questions typed in the email. The file name “Project_v3_FINAL_final” looks careless. |
| Personal information shared | Home address, mobile number, age, school and year group, and probably his year of birth in the username. | Her 29 classmates’ email addresses, shared without their permission. The grandad story is not needed. |
(b) Any 2 of: both ask for “all the info” or “everything you have”, but the archive cannot search for everything on a topic; Seren sends an attachment over 10 MB, which the archive cannot open; Dylan asks them to “post stuff”, but originals never leave the building; Seren has “not really decided what I am doing”, so she is close to asking them to do her project, which they will not do; Dylan uses the press address, which is for journalists only.
(c) His home address (14 Maes y Dderwen, Machynlleth), his mobile number, his age (12), his school and year group, and his likely year of birth (2014) in his username. Put together, these tell a stranger who he is, where he lives, how to contact him and that he is a child. An email can be forwarded to anyone, and the archive keeps enquiry emails for 2 years. The archive did not need any of it: it said it uses only your name and email address.
(d) It shares 29 pupils’ email addresses with an organisation that did not need them, without their permission. If anyone presses “Reply all”, 29 inboxes fill up. It also left out the one person who should have been copied in: Mr Price.
Every row has a precise problem with evidence quoted from the email, and the pupil also notices what Seren got right (school account, correct To address, formal greeting, no spelling errors). Seeing that Seren’s email is long enough but still unclear shows real understanding of purpose. Meets criterion 1, and (c) and (d) show understanding of criterion 3.
| Plan | My notes |
|---|---|
| Purpose | To ask the archive for pictures, maps and advice for our class display on the 1404 parliament at Machynlleth. |
| Audience | Dr Elin Morgan and her team at Archifdy Bro Dyfi. They are adult professionals, a team of only 3, and they have 30 minutes for each enquiry. So: formal and polite, short, and only ask for things they can do. |
| Subject line | Year 7 school project: photographs of the Parliament House, Machynlleth |
| What I already know | Parliaments at Machynlleth in 1404 and Harlech in 1405. The Parliament House is traditionally said to be where it met, but is probably later. They hold no documents from 1404. |
| Question 1 | A photo of the Parliament House before it was rebuilt in the early 1900s? A copy for the display? (They send up to 10 photos free for school projects.) |
| Question 2 | Which old maps of Machynlleth show the Parliament House, and their catalogue references? |
| Question 3 | Another archive or library to ask about the 1404 parliament? (They can tell you this.) |
| Polite close | Display goes up Friday 26 March (gives them the full 10 working days). Thank you for your time. “Yours sincerely”, because I know her name. Full name, Year 7, school. |
Order of paragraphs: 1 Who I am and why I am writing; 2 What I already know; 3 My 3 questions; 4 My deadline and thank you.
Purpose and audience are decided before writing, and the audience notes change how the pupil writes (formal, brief, only possible requests). Each question is checked against the “Contact us” page. The paragraphs go from introduction to request to close. Meets criteria 4 and 5.
| From | Alys Rowlands’s school email account |
|---|---|
| To | enquiries@archifdybrodyfi.cymru |
| Cc | price.i@ysgolcefndyfi.cymru |
| Subject | Year 7 school project: photographs of the Parliament House, Machynlleth |
| Attachments | None |
Dear Dr Morgan,
My name is Alys Rowlands and I am a Year 7 pupil at Ysgol Gyfun Cefn Dyfi. My class is making a display about Owain Glyndŵr’s parliament at Machynlleth in 1404, and I would be very grateful for your help.
I know that Owain held parliaments at Machynlleth in 1404 and at Harlech in 1405. I have read that the Parliament House is traditionally said to be where the 1404 parliament met, but that historians think the building is probably later. I understand that you do not hold documents from the parliament itself.
Please could you help me with these 3 questions?
Our display goes up on Friday 26 March. Thank you for your time.
Yours sincerely,
Alys Rowlands
Year 7, Ysgol Gyfun Cefn Dyfi
To, Cc and Subject are all correct, nothing is attached and the only personal details are her name, year and school, which the archive needs (criteria 2 and 3). The 3 numbered questions are specific and each one asks for something the archive says it can do or holds (criterion 5). The email has 175 words in its paragraphs, in 4 short paragraphs that go from who she is, to what she knows, to her questions, to a fair deadline and thanks. The tone is formal and polite throughout, with “Dear Dr Morgan” correctly paired with “Yours sincerely” (criterion 6). Showing what she already knows tells the archivist she has done her research and will not waste their time.
| Situation | Best way to contact the archive |
|---|---|
| 1. Research questions for the display | Email enquiries@archifdybrodyfi.cymru |
| 2. Bringing the whole class to see the maps | The online booking form |
| 3. Copies of photographs, with catalogue references | Email copies@archifdybrodyfi.cymru |
| 4. Thursday morning, need an answer today | Phone 01632 960404 (open Tuesday to Friday, 10:00 to 12:30) |
| 5. A local newspaper reporter | Email press@archifdybrodyfi.cymru |
| 6. Comment on Instagram with question and email address | No. The archive does not answer enquiries on social media, and you should never put your email address in a public comment. Email enquiries@ instead. |
(b) Counting working days after Monday 8 March: Tuesday 9 to Friday 12 March is 4 days, Monday 15 to Friday 19 March is 5 more (9), and Monday 22 March is the 10th. The latest date is Monday 22 March. That still leaves 4 days before the display goes up on Friday 26 March.
(c)
| Action | ✓ or ✗ | Why |
|---|---|---|
| Check your junk or spam folder. | ✓ | Replies sometimes land there. |
| Send 5 emails saying “URGENT!!!”. | ✗ | Rude, and it fills a small team’s inbox. |
| Tell Mr Price and send 1 polite follow-up to enquiries@. | ✓ | One reminder to the right address is fair and professional. |
| Email Dr Morgan directly. | ✗ | The archive asks you not to: it may wait unread if she is away. |
| Mr Price phones on Tuesday 23 March, 10:00 to 12:30. | ✓ | The phone line is for answers needed quickly, and Tuesday is the first day it is open after the deadline. |
| Post a complaint on Facebook. | ✗ | Public, unfair and the archive does not answer enquiries there. |
| Use another trusted source, such as the National Library of Wales. | ✓ | The display can still go ahead without the reply. |
(d) Any 2 of: the archive asks for research questions by email; staff need time to look things up, which they cannot do during a phone call; an email gives a written record of the questions and the answers, including catalogue references; Mr Price can read it before it is sent and is copied in; the phone line is only open for a few hours on 4 days a week.
Every channel matches the “Contact us” table, the reply date is counted correctly and the follow-up plan is polite, patient and uses the right channels. Meets criterion 7.
I checked my Cc box and I had put Mr Price’s name, not his email address, so I wrote in price.i@ysgolcefndyfi.cymru.
A real correction to the email, found by rereading it as the reader would. Any genuine improvement is acceptable.
Follow-up email. To: enquiries@archifdybrodyfi.cymru · Cc: price.i@ysgolcefndyfi.cymru · Subject: Follow-up: Year 7 school project, photographs of the Parliament House, Machynlleth
Dear Dr Morgan,
I am writing to follow up my email of Monday 8 March about photographs and maps of the Parliament House in Machynlleth for a Year 7 display. I have copied my original email below. I understand that you are a small team and that you are busy. Our display goes up on Friday 26 March, so I would be very grateful for any help before then, even an answer to just 1 of my 3 questions.
Yours sincerely,
Alys Rowlands
Year 7, Ysgol Gyfun Cefn Dyfi
Welsh greeting and sign-off. “Annwyl Dr Morgan,” and “Yn gywir,” followed by your name.
Not certain. Any 2 of: when and where Owain Glyndŵr died (historians think probably around 1416); whether the Parliament House is really where the 1404 parliament met (the building is probably later); the exact year he was born (about 1359). Example question: “Where did the 1404 parliament at Machynlleth actually meet?”