Worked example · Digital Media and Film · Year 10
LNF: Literacy → Writing → Punctuation
A secure Year 10 response, annotated so you can see which success criterion each part meets. It is also the answer key. The 12 errors are on lines 2, 3, 4, 6 (two), 8, 9, 10 (three), 19 and 21; the full corrected draft is below. In Step 4 any scene is fine if it follows the conventions card and ticks the checklist correctly. Practice only, not NEA work.
No speech marks round dialogue; a colon after FADE IN and transitions such as CUT TO; brackets for ages, extensions and parentheticals. (Full stops in INT., EXT. and V.O. are also a good answer.)
Spots that the conventions change where punctuation goes, not how it works. Evidences criterion 4.
| Line | Error | Correction | Rule | |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | 2 | ext. porth eithin harbour, night | EXT. PORTH EITHIN HARBOUR - NIGHT | Scene headings are all capitals, with a spaced hyphen before the time. |
| 2 | 3 | …end of the pier, its lamp is dark. | …end of the pier; its lamp is dark. | A comma cannot join two complete sentences. Use a semicolon (or a full stop). |
| 3 | 4 | cerys 16 | CERYS (16) | First appearance in capitals; age in brackets. |
| 4 | 6 | “Its locked.” | It’s locked. | No speech marks round dialogue. |
| 5 | 6 | Its | It’s | Apostrophe for the missing letter: it is. |
| 6 | 8 | (V.O) | (V.O.) | A full stop after each letter of the extension. |
| 7 | 9 | ON THE PHONE | (on the phone) | Parentheticals go in brackets, in lower case. |
| 8 | 10 | Cerys where | Cerys, where | A comma after the name of the person spoken to. |
| 9 | 10 | where are you. | where are you? | A question ends with a question mark, so the actor says it as a question. |
| 10 | 10 | Your mums been | Your mum’s been | Apostrophe for the missing letters: mum has. |
| 11 | 19 | CUT TO | CUT TO: | Transitions end with a colon. |
| 12 | 21 | three things a wet footprint | three things: a wet footprint | A colon introduces a list after a complete sentence. |
The corrected draft:
| Line | Script |
|---|---|
| 1 | FADE IN: |
| 2 | EXT. PORTH EITHIN HARBOUR - NIGHT |
| 3 | Rain lashes the harbour wall. A lighthouse stands at the end of the pier; its lamp is dark. |
| 4 | CERYS (16), soaked, hood up, runs along the pier. She stops at the lighthouse door and pulls the handle. Nothing. |
| 5 | CERYS |
| 6 | It’s locked. |
| 7 | She takes out her phone. One bar of signal. |
| 8 | MALI (V.O.) |
| 9 | (on the phone) |
| 10 | Cerys, where are you? Your mum’s been ringing everyone. |
| 11 | CERYS |
| 12 | At the lighthouse. Mali, the light’s out. It’s never out. |
| 13 | MALI (V.O.) |
| 14 | So come home… |
| 15 | A scraping sound from inside. Cerys freezes. |
| 16 | CERYS |
| 17 | (whispering) |
| 18 | Who’s there? |
| 19 | CUT TO: |
| 20 | INT. LIGHTHOUSE - CONTINUOUS |
| 21 | Darkness. A torch clicks on. It lights three things: a wet footprint, a coil of rope and Dad’s old notebook. |
Every error is found, corrected and explained with a rule, and the pupil notices that line 10 has three separate errors. Evidences criteria 1, 2 and 4.
(a) The layout already shows who is speaking: everything under a character cue is spoken. Speech marks would only add clutter for the actors.
| Missing letter | Belonging |
|---|---|
| It’s (it is); mum’s (mum has); light’s (light is); Who’s (who is) | Dad’s old notebook |
(c) Semicolon: The waves hit the pier; spray covers the lighthouse door. Colon: Cerys has one choice left: the rusty ladder up the outside wall.
Notes that mum’s here is “mum has”, not possession, which is a common trap. Both new sentences use the mark for its real job. Evidences criteria 2 and 3.
| Line | Script |
|---|---|
| 20 | INT. LIGHTHOUSE - CONTINUOUS |
| 21 | Darkness. A torch clicks on. It lights three things: a wet footprint, a coil of rope and Dad’s old notebook. |
| 22 | The door creaks open from the inside; Cerys steps in. |
| 23 | At the top of the spiral stairs stands GWYN (60), the old lighthouse keeper, holding the torch. |
| 24 | GWYN |
| 25 | (gruffly) |
| 26 | You shouldn’t be here, Cerys. |
| 27 | CERYS |
| 28 | How do you know my name? And why’ve you got my dad’s notebook? |
| 29 | Behind Gwyn, Cerys sees what he is guarding: a brand-new padlock on the lamp room door. |
| 30 | GWYN |
| 31 | Your father asked me to keep it safe. He said if the light ever went out… |
| 32 | MALI (V.O.) |
| 33 | (on the phone, crackling) |
| 34 | Cerys? Cerys, are you still there? |
| 35 | CUT TO: |
Every checklist item is used correctly: a new character with age (line 23), parentheticals (25, 33), an extension (32), a question mark and a comma with a name (26, 28, 34), apostrophes for possession (dad’s, 28) and missing letters (shouldn’t, why’ve), a semicolon (22) and colons (21, 29) in action lines, an ellipsis (31) where Gwyn is cut off by the phone, and a transition (35). The ellipsis and the questions shape how the actors will perform the lines. Evidences criteria 3, 4 and 5.